we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Jun 15th 2007

crime reports from brigham young university

….will have you falling out of your chair laughing. some examples from the mormon school:

Disorderly Conduct

Sept. 19: An individual reported male students singing to female students outside of Hinckley Hall. The males were advised to leave due to complaints.

Suspicious Activity

Nov. 2: A student in Helaman Halls received a letter with a large sum of money in it from an address in Salt Lake. The student does not know who sent the money and the incident is under investigation.

Nov. 24: An individual in Deseret Towers reported five suspicious men playing pool in the lobby of one of the halls. Upon investigation it was found the men were simply students playing pool with their girlfriends. [source: byu daily universe]

compare with the reports from pretty much any other school, which are usually full of violent assaults and drug offenses.

2 Responses to “crime reports from brigham young university”

  1. Mike

    Don’t forget the public dancing.

    Does anyone know if the BYU paper has reintroduced its crime beat section? I remember it from freshman year, but heard that it was abandoned because it was encouraging more pranks.

  2. travis

    do you mean police beat? because i think they brought it back. see here.

    here are a few gems from the best of winter semester 2007:

    Suspicious Activity:

    Feb. 2: A student reported a suspicious individual with long gray hair and a beard inside a restricted lab in the Clyde building. Upon arrival, the officer found a mannequin in the reported location.

    March 2: An officer responded to a report of a suspicious individual. Upon arrival at the scene, the officer identified the male as a BYU student collecting specimens from the botany pond for his biology project.

    and for more hysterical overreacting to non-crimes or minor crimes, let’s not forget the best news article EVER.