we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Feb 12th 2008

democrats do valentine’s day “better”

this short, sad valentines day tale is from love day 2007. i never published it then, so i’m posting it now. — travis

on the way home today, i stopped to grab some flowers for my special someone. i had to laugh at the scene. try to picture it: grocery store flower department. the inventory at 5:30 pm is kind of picked-through and wilty. there are dozens of men shuffling sheepishly, heads down, through the bouquets laid out on the floor. maybe they look depressed because the grocer is selling the flowers at triple the normal price on this special day. i make my selections. i’m standing second in line. there is only one cashier. the guy in front of me is paying. out of the corner of my eye, someone approaches on my right. immediately i notice him, because there is something wrong about the personal space between us. there is too little of it. also: the fact that he is attempting to t-bone the line and squeeze in front of me. i half-consciously puff my chest out, in a primitive “i’m-in-line-here” sort of display. i make sure i’m ready to move when dude #1 finishes paying for the overpriced adornments he selected. but t-bone doesn’t get a clue. he sees i’m ahead of him. he sees i’ve been waiting. he sees there is but one cashier. yet this doesn’t matter. he is important, gosh darnit.

it’s go time.

“i need a dozen roses” he clamors, as i move toward the register (but so does he).

“there are bouquets already assembled there in front, sir.”

rude, impatient man is incredulous (probably because this means he’ll have to get them himself, then wait in line like the rest of us).

i pay and leave. as i’m pulling away, i notice him leaving, too. guess where he parked? fire lane. i laughed. i’m driving past him now. he’s got a sticker on the back windshield of his black SUV.

“KDP,” it says, “democrats do it better.”

and, as this story shows, indeed they do.

you know, i’ve always wondered why people who put all these bumper stickers on their cars (presumably to get others to believe what they believe) allow themselves to act like such jerks in their cars. get a clue, people. we can see you support stance X, Y, and Z. now, when we see you cutting us off, flashing the bird at the guy next to you, and parking in the fire lane, we will (fairly or unfairly) associate your behavior with your cause.

One Response to “democrats do valentine’s day “better””

  1. This reminds me of the BYU students that rabidly protested Vice President Dick Cheney from speaking at April’s 2007 commencement.

    And yes, we associate their illogical behavior with their causes.