we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Jun 24th 2007

diversity at the university of kentucky

this is an email i received from kumble subbwaswamy, university of kentucky provost, on november 20th, 2006. i never blogged it, so i’m fisking it now — travis

Diversity is vital to ensuring success as a vibrant institution of higher education, and a critical component of UK’s plan to become a Top 20 public research university.

yes, without Diversity our research would wallow in shabbiness and unvibrantness

An institution of the caliber we seek must define diversity as a constitutive value and must adopt a comprehensive view that celebrates diversity in all its dimensions as a systemic influence on conduct as students, faculty, staff, and members of society.

wow. i just had a billy madison moment:

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

…and given its usage here, and its presence in the immigration proposal, i am now adding ‘comprehensive’ to this list of euphemisms liberals use to mask their true intentions, along with “choice,” “diversity,” and “redeployment.”

Toward that end, I am pleased to announce creation of the new position of Vice President for Institutional Diversity (VPID). With a dual reporting responsibility to the President and the Provost, the VPID will be the focal point for the establishment of a climate that nurtures and sustains diversity in all spheres of the university. Information about the position, the Search Committee, and application deadlines can be found on the Web site of this office:

applications being collected now! caucasians need not apply!

The search committee will hold an open forum at 2 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 28, in Worsham Theatre in the Student Center. I encourage you to attend and offer input on the type of leader you believe would best suit this position. I also enlist your help in identifying potential candidates from across the country for this exciting opportunity.

UK has been pursuing its top-20 dream in lots of interesting ways. for example, arguments were made that opening a LGTBQ lounge funded by student activity fees would help our “diversity.” (but what “activities” do the funds support?) the lounge opened this fall.

arguments were made that UK needs to expand its benefits for faculty and staff from beyond spouses and families to “domestic partners” so as to help UK get top-20 status. the logic went like this: homosexuals only teach where there are domestic partner benefits. only a school with top-quality homosexual faculty and staff can achieve top-20 status. therefore, to achieve top-20 status, UK should extend benefits to domestic partners.

that reasoning is so full of holes, i don’t know where to start. here are some places:

  • who is to say there aren’t homosexuals here? there are at least half a dozen working at our small law school.
  • who is to say that homosexuals look at domestic partner benefits as the clincher? if you had an offer from a top-20 school, like Brown (i don’t know if Brown is top-20, but it is ivy league) that didn’t offer domestic partner benefits, and an offer from kentucky that did, why in the world would you ever choose kentucky? why not create a good environment for education first?
  • who is to say that a school needs more homosexuals to be top-20? as i mentioned, the law school has lots of great homosexuals. why is it suddenly our goal to hog all the gays? let other schools enjoy them, too.
  • there are probably more
  • but one blogger did a great job pointing out one thing: reducing average class size is a good place to start if you want to move up in the rankings. UK’s average class size is atrocious. its students are disinterested morons. if you actually want to attract high caliber students and professors, try doing something about class size, not some tangential, illogical goal like “we need the homosexuals to be top-20”

    see also:

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