we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Aug 20th 2007

keychain survey

what is your ratio of keys to doodads?

before you go grab your keys, please review the following definitions:
key: a usually metal instrument by which the bolt of a lock is turned.
doodad: item for which there is no functional use. for example, dice hanging from a rear-view mirror have no functional use; a bart simpson figurine on a keychain has no functional use.
functional item: a car clicker is a functional-use item. a mini gym or grocery membership card that fits on your keychain has a functional use. mace or pepper spray has a functional use, even if rarely or never used. functional items are not of concern in the present survey.

given these definitions, list:
1. # of keys
2. # of doodads

my numbers are:
1. 7
2. 1

however, the single doodad is actually a non-working “eighth” key (my wife gave it to me. she made it herself. it is the symbolic “key to her heart”) — technically, a doodad. but if i removed it, i’m sure i would swiftly take notice that it was a doodad with serious functional implications.

i have seen people with high doodad to key ratios, and it is not pretty. or quiet.

what is your doodad to key ratio? you can let us know in the comments, or find where you fit in on our poll in the right sidebar.

1. 75% – 100% keys (i live my life with military precision)
3. 50% – 74% keys (the jury is still deliberating on my sanity. as long as i don’t start adopting cats, i should be okay)
4. 25% – 49% keys (presumption: crazy. please don’t ignore my calls for help)
6. 0% – 24% keys (i am a raving psycho)

2 Responses to “keychain survey”

  1. bnice

    where do carribeaners fit in?

  2. travis

    it is a doodad (unless you use it as a key ring, or to clip your keys in place somewhere). taking it off and climbing with it does not constitute an approved use for the purposes of this survey.

    good question.