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Jun 30th 2005

NPR on america

i began writing this draft last fall and lost interest, so it was never actually published. i present it here, still unfinished, but still thought-provoking outrageous enough. the subject is also very appropriate for the july 4th weekend.

a couple of the jokes are kind of dated. one is the reference to the “special national anthem grief counseling center”, which was a jab at liberals who actually sought out counseling to cope with their defeat to the evil george bush in the 2004 presidential election. the next is the reference to osama bin laden trying to sway the US electorate via video prior to last november’s vote.

the “26” at the end refers to the time in the recording that i stopped listening. originally i intended to return to the piece and finish with the fisking, but this did not happen. count your blessings, people.

NPR on the national anthem [listen to NPR’s audio archive of this story]

they dislike our national anthem because it goes up and down the scale too much! it’s too hard to sing! we need a special national anthem grief counseling center for these liberals.

in fact, they go on to say how all national anthems from around the world sound the same. this makes them unhappy. but if NPR had it’s way, there would be one world government, a world tax, and a world anthem. they’d probably ask marilyn manson to compose a more progressive-sounding anthem to fit their liking. the similarity of our anthem to those of other nations is not the cause of NPR’s loathing of it. it is the fact that it is america’s national anthem.

NPR on american history in foreign textbooks [listen to NPR’s audio archive of this story]

and not just what is in the textbooks (which is, incidentally, completely inaccurate anti-american garbage), but “what we can learn [LEARN!] about US history from the textbooks of other countries”.

hey, i’ve got another great idea! let’s ask osama bin laden who we should elect as our president! here are some gems from the interview:

  • a british textbook notes that american revolutionary war patriot, the author of “common sense”, thomas paine, sold women’s undergarments before emigrating to america.
  • a cuban state textbook teaches that the united states waged biological warfare on cuba for 50 years during the cold war, destroying crops and livestock.
  • muslims are taught that abraham lincoln was an arab-american, a superb mathematician who made great advancements in set theory.
  • japanese textbooks teach that america only nuked them to justify the enormous cost of researching the weapons.
  • yes, these are some fabulous truths we’ve learned.

    26 minutes

    the full text of the national anthem (lyrics)

    Oh, say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
    What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
    Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
    O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
    And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
    Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
    O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

    On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
    Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
    What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
    As it fitfully blows, now conceals, now discloses?
    Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
    In full glory reflected now shines on the stream:
    ‘Tis the star-spangled banner! O long may it wave
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

    And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
    That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion
    A home and a country should leave us no more?
    Their blood has wiped out their foul footstep’s pollution.
    No refuge could save the hireling and slave
    From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
    And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

    Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
    Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation!
    Blest with victory and peace, may the heaven-rescued land
    Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
    Then conquer we must, for our cause it is just,
    And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
    And the star-spangled banner forever shall wave
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

    4 Responses to “NPR on america”

    1. you must admit that they have a case for the national anthem. NO one can sing it except like mariah carey, thats why every sporting event now has 1) a tape recording or 2) famous opera singer to sing the anthem. my personal favorite was during the ’96 or ’97 world series, james earl jones read the national anthem to music (he messed it up while reading it, no singing involved). russia recently changed their anthem back to the soviet one (with different words), and it is so much better. my suggestions: 1)this land is your land 2) your a grand old flag 3) born in the usa

    2. but wouldn’t you rather have marilyn manson write a new one?

    3. Add me to the “change the national anthem” crowd. The most popular substitution is “America the Beautiful,” but I would much rather have “God Bless the USA.” Then let’s see how the Libs deal.

      PS: Don’t listen to briant’s suggestion of Born in the USA. Clearly a New Jersy person suggesting that!!!

    4. this is a good website.I want american accent on npr.
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