we still remember mitch hedberg

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Mar 10th 2004

thank you, ILSIP

abraham lincoln's home from 1844-1861.  located in springfield, illinois

for giving me an excuse to visit abraham lincoln’s house. and for your consideration for the internship.

editor’s note: below you will find what i consider to be my best work from my first year on this blog (march 2003-march 2004). other years are here: year two (march 2004 – december 2004), year three (january 2005-december 2005), and year four (january 2006-december 2006). — travis

if i recently invited you to visit all-encompassingly and you’d like to check out my writing, may i suggest a few of my favorite posts?

  • law schools to offer new class: “escape tactics” (satire, inspired by the shooting of a lawyer by his client in california)
  • “hi, i’m nihad awad, and i’m a massive tool” (a fisking of awad’s statements on CNN)
  • “they oppose using our armed forces…” (examination of the 2000 democratic platform to show a point of hypocrisy in their criticisms of bush)
  • inane controversy over mel gibson’s the passion (defense of the movie in light of the scriptural record)
  • helen thomas: not a journalist (a fisking of an address given by the old windbag herself at BYU)
  • french vocabulary adjustments (satire, inspired by the french decision to outlaw the english word, ’email’)
  • NBA players to sport commemorative patch (satire, inspired by the allegations of rape against kobe bryant, and the novel the scarlet letter)
  • grand canyon finally liberated (satire, inspired by the ACLU’s lawsuit to remove a plaque with old testament references from a building on NPS property)
  • hungry, hungry hippies (amazing story of supposedly earth-friendly hippies destroying sensitive wilderness environments with their love orgies)
  • on the separation of patriotism and state (satire, inspired by liberals’–esp. michael newdow’s–desire to emasculate our country of its vile patriotism)
  • the repulsiveness of christianity (i high-five ann coulter for pointing out that christianity is persecuted in america while immorality, anti-americanism, and militant islam are given a free pass)
  • how i’d respond to reginleif, if i cared [re: children] (a fisking of a comment left on the blog to a post i made supporting internet content filters on computers in public libraries)
  • liberal media sides with confused witnesses (critiquing LA times’ biased coverage of US army soldier and muslim hasan akbar’s murderous defection in iraq)
  • word choice and generational boundaries (an observation, some reflections)
  • D.O.J…F.B.I…I.N.S…B.L.A., B.L.A. (an analysis of the logic of detaining illegal immigrants indefinitely after september 11)
  • sultaana: champion of individual rights (analysis of the case of the muslim convert who refused to remove her veil for the florida DMV to take her ID picture)
  • let’s say we’re laughing with him (a fisking of fired NY times reporter, jayson blair’s hilarious NY post interview)
  • cheney got seinfeld vote (satire blaming the gore loss in 2000 on confusion over who bush’s running mate was)
  • liberals strain at gnat, swallow camel (defense of bush’s aircraft carrier landing in may 2003)
  • >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    now i would like to propose a new motto for united airlines, which was the airline in charge of getting me to and from my interviews. my suggestion (drumroll, please):

    UNITED AIRLINES MOTTO: “you’re flying with us? haha! you’re SCREWED!”

    thank you, united, for kicking me off my flight because you overbooked it, and then telling me it was my fault because i only got there 27 minutes before the flight was scheduled to leave.

    5 Responses to “thank you, ILSIP”

    1. Doesn’t flying suck? Thanks for posting the links to your greatest hits…I look forward to more sure to come.

    2. Al

      At least you got your luggage! Well, unless they loaded it on the plane that you were kicked off of, which would have really been terrible. Either way, what a way to fly the friendly sky, eh?

    3. Doug

      While perfectly legal, it has always seemed “wrong” to me that airlines overbook the planes, and then bump you if you don’t show up X minutes before the flight (without compensation).

      But on the other hand, something similar could happen if a passenger didn’t show up X minutes before departure, and someone flying stand-by had already taken their seat.

      What you really need Travis is my karma. I once showed up for a flight at SLC over an hour and a half late, and still made the flight.

    4. Tiffany

      Doug showed up 1 ½ hrs late for a flight? Why am I not surprised? =)

    5. […] and that means it is a perfect time to reflect on last year. this way, we can all just get the old year out of our systems and move on. here are my favorite posts from the past calendar year. year one’s favorites are here, year two’s favorite’s are here. enjoy. […]